We  Live On

     I don't know what most people would say is the "meaning of life". I suppose most people would try to come up with something intelligent, moral, or philosophical to say. But if you go by the way most people live their own lives, it's clear that, at least subconsciously, people feel that life is about the pursuit of happiness. And there is nothing inherently wrong in that. Who DOESN'T want to be happy? Who doesn't want their children to be happy, and their spouse, and parents, friends, and co-workers. Heck, I'd say I'd like to buy the world a Coke right now and wrap it in my arms, teach it to sing, and ALL that jazz. I'm not sure that's the MEANING of life, though. But it is a natural inclination. We seem to spend a lot of time in it's pursuit, and we seem to spend a lot of time feeling the disappointment from life's inevitable rejections of our demands for happiness.

     But happiness is an emotional state that is dependent on our circumstances, and I can tell you nobody gets through life without a couple of disasters - from broken hearts to broken bones, from empty nests to empty pantries, from failed businesses to failed marriages, from lost pets to lost children. Life is a hodgepodge mixture of agony and ecstasy for us all. It's no wonder people ponder it's meaning, because if our primary purpose is to be happy, the cards are stacked against us. It feels like the pursuit of happiness is a futile gesture, because we all experience times of happiness, but a lifetime of sustained happiness seems to elude most people.

     There is a different kind of "happiness", though that is the natural result of bonding and drawing close to other people. It is more than just an emotion, because it is an intangible force (like love) that can be present in good times, and in sorrow. I am talking about JOY. The dictionary may define joy as intense happiness, but for my purposes, I am trying to describe something that is much more internally grounded. I felt joy in the midst of my grief when I felt God's presence. I felt joy and deep sorrow at the same time. I was not happy, but there was something moving me from deep within. It still moves me. It motivates me to reach out to others. It rewards me when I feel the connection with them, and soars in me when I am able to provide help for them. It's taken the greatest losses of a lifetime for me to learn life's meaning, and it is this - that we are meant for one another. We are meant to share each other's burdens and listen to each other's problems. We are meant to wipe each other's tears and bind each other's wounds. We are not made for living in isolation, independent and self-sufficient. We function best when we have significant relationships. And we heal best when we allow ourselves to be a "conduit for healing" (this is a direct quote from GriefShare!). What that means is when we learn and grow, we teach and pass that on to others - just like I try to do in writing this. I don't know all of the big secrets of life. But I do know that the more focused on others we become, the more joy we feel. It doesn't give us a free pass against bad things happening. But when we make our lives about something more than just ourselves, I think we are beginning to understand.

     So, if we are to build a life worth living what would that look like? Instead of constantly chasing happiness, giving happiness might bring you true and lasting joy. There have actually been several scientific studies that have concluded that the most fulfilled people living are not the most successful, wealthiest, most educated, or those whose lives have had the least obstacles, but instead are those who have more positive social relationships AND those who are generous with their time and resources. Those things seem to be the recipe for a life worth living. I would like to personally add that having a spiritual connection is important to me, and learning to have gratitude is, as well. And that really does help with one's perspective, because there IS ALWAYS SOMETHING to be thankful for. I recently started a gratitude journal in which I write down just a few things each night that I feel particularly thankful for that day. Someone told me to do that and I finally did, and it has helped me stay more positive.

     All week long a song kept popping into my head - an old song from the 70's by a the band Ten Years After called "I'd Love to Change the World". The chorus goes "I'd love to change the world, but I don't know what to do...so I'll leave it up to you." It's so uncanny how things like that simply pop up from my ancient memories! But it did make me think. We all probably would love to change the world, especially when I belong to so many groups now in support of those in the addiction and suicide survivors communities. This week I learned of several more overdose deaths, and I read of the suicide of Parkland shooting survivor Sydney Aiello. It made me so sad that I felt, as I do many times, "what's the point?" Sometimes I see that this stuff just keeps on happening regardless of what we do. And if we do intervene and save lives, what then? It's so very difficult to overcome lifelong addiction and depression. Its's such a battle. And then I realize "that is exactly the thinking that keeps us in this mess".  So I leave it up to YOU... AND me. Because all of us together CAN change the world. Maybe we can't fix everything. We will never have Heaven here on Earth. But I can help someone, and I can help you find resources, and maybe that will help you to help someone. And after they heal, maybe they can help someone else. And that's how we become that "conduit" for healing I mentioned. And to me, that is the real meaning of life; it is building a life worth living.

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-Susan

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“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
― Mother Teresa